Fun at Safe Haven Baby Boxes

At least once a week, someone posts a question to the Safe Haven Baby Box FB page asking about the process by which a Box Baby is adopted. It’s happened once again, and this is the answer.

As with all Safe surrenders, the infant will be medically evaluated and then either placed in the custody of the Department of Children Services or depending on the state, placed with a private adoption agency. Unfortunately we don’t have any control over the adoption process. We recommend that you contact your state’s Department of Children Services and they should be able to give you more info! Hope this helps.

Note the emphasis.

I have no idea why SHBB Inc implies that it should have the privilege to disperse these infants only to those who hold the Safe Haven Baby Box Inc Seal of Approval. The organization is not a state child welfare agency nor a licensed child-placing agency. It is not staffed by social workers or childcare professionals. Importantly, no traditional Safe Haven advocacy organization has the right to child placement, has never asked for it, or wants it. SHBB Inc is simply a kitchen-table adoption- fixated outfit that has managed, with no science-backed evidence,that their boxes have saved one at-risk newborn, to rook a little over $1 million (latest IRS Form 990) from well-intentioned individuals, non-profits, churches, foundations, and politicians. It has never given a litter box dropping about adoptee rights.

Now, I believe that SHBB Inc founder and CEO Monica Kelsey actually cares about these babies. She may love them. It’s not an act. She sometimes refers to them as “my babies.” She fantasizes occasionally that someday one of these (grateful) kids will grow up and take over the baby box company when she retires. Frankly, I don’t see her ever retiring because it’s much more fun and easier than her former job of firefighter/EMT, and there’s lots of free travel thanks to other people’s dimes.

How much fun? Check out the Tumbler Tuesday videos on Facebook when Mrs Kelsey and her crew (including family members) do a Q&A and sell $45 SHBB logoed tumblers “made with love”–a rather strange claim since Mrs. Kelsey and the crew jump in front of the camera, steal scenes, and shout names at each other like “ass” and “ho.”

And this is my fun time: some of the tumblers are gendered. Yes, you read that right. Gendered tumblers. Female tumblers are pink; males are blue. Some are marketed as “manly” and others are girly. The former might feature camo; the latter tends to sport sparklies. I can only mark this up to being Indiana. The 5 New York Mafia Families used to refer to anyone west of the Hudson as a Hoosier.

Meow! It gets really weird sometimes. My PB (Putative Boss) has started to call the “show The Real Housewives of Woodburn.

Crossposted to The Daily Bastardette, November 27, 2023